The 2 Habits of Highly Annoyed People

I have an annoying habit of reading blogs of people who are 1) more successful than me, 2) don't know that I exsist, and 3) don't care about the comments I leave them.

Actually, that's not true. The annoying habit is that I sell myself short.

The blog reading habit started with a good friend of mine giving up her baby to a wonderful, internet-savvy couple, who unwittingly keep me involved by posting updates on their son's life for their family far away.

The habit of selling myself short started when my former boss, a reserved British woman, told me that she didn't want to renew my teaching contract for the next year. This came completely out of the blue and shook my self-confidence. The damage was almost repaired by landing a new, fabulous job where I told them honestly in the interview why I didn't remain at my last job (I had underestimated my responsibility for seeking out my boss and telling her what was going on in my classroom, which is why, when she told me she didn't want to renew my contract, she brought up situations that I had already changed). But I didn't accept the fabulous, new job because it would have required moving my fabulous husband who had also landed a fabulous, new job which was, unlike mine, actually located in the state where we lived. Instead, I took a degrating, underpaid job because I was tired of searching and in need of money to pay off my student loans. I worked at that job for eleven months, until my son was born.

While I worked at the degrating job (and struggled to make it seem less so), every member of my family made sure to tell me how underpaid I was and how I should aim higher. I started that job at the end of August, and by the end of September my friend had given birth to a little boy and delivered him to his proud new parents. So, with friends and family telling me I was undervaluing myself, I began reading the blogs of a family who seemed to be more successful than I was.

But here's the thing... did I stop to think if that was true? Were they really more successful than me?

Well, I'm pretty sure from the pictures of their vacations that they had a higher household income than my husband and I (although, given the amount my degrating job was paying me, that wasn't too hard). And I'm also pretty sure that they're older than me and my husband, maybe by 5 years at the most.

But does that equal more success?

In this country, money often seems to be the measurement of success. I'd like to think that happiness is a better measuring tool, and though I can't measure the happiness of a couple I've never met solely from their blog, I'm willing to bet that my life measures up to the success I perceive.

Let's stop and think for a minute:

1. I am married to my high school sweetheart, and we are still very much in love. He still finds me attractive even though I have not yet regained my pre-pregnancy size.
2. We have a beautiful and healthy baby boy.
3. I have a large network of friends and family who eagerly await my own blog to see the pictures of my son each week. I even have a great relationship with my in-laws and feel comfortable visiting my mother-in-law for a week at a time while my husband goes away on business.
4. We are stable enough financially for me to take a full year off of teaching to spend with our son.
5. We recently moved into a beautiful new apartment that is a step away from owning a house and makes me like the state of New Jersey. (Really!!)
6. And, every time I've been to a job interview in the past two years I've been offered a job. Now that's worth the student loan payments on my Masters degree!

So really, the idea that I am not successful compared to them is ridiculous. It stems mostly from my issues with my job situation. But even though they have more success than me in that arena, I know there are other arenas where I have the more enviable position. As my mother once pointed out to me, just because I've had bad luck in employment, doesn't mean I don't have good luck elsewhere. (She, herself, has been at the same company for over 10 years, but has been through several boyfriends in that time.) So why compare at all if it's just going to make me feel bad?

Well... because it's a habit.

Gotta start somewhere

My mother has been hounding me to get back to writing. It's been so difficult dedicating time to write since I finished my undergraduate degree in creative writing. (Which means, of course, that I haven't seriously written in 5 years!) But the other day when I got a baby shower invitation, I got the sudden urge to start writing down advice for the new mother (from the wisdom of being seven months in...). And I just kept going. In fact, we missed nap time in my house, and I wrote one handed while holding a squirming and wide awake little boy.

Well... you gotta start somewhere, right?

Baby Wisdom:

5 things to keep in every room of your house when you have a baby:

binky
cordless telephone
burp cloth
rattle
a good book


Mothers do the most disgusting things, like sniff their baby’s bottom and wipe spit up with their fingers. You can tell yourself beforehand that you’re not going to do those things, but after the messiness of labor, it will seem like no big deal.

You will never get enough of your baby. No matter what age, you can stare at them all day. Of course, once they get a little older, you might have to wait until nap time.

Do your best to get a really good shower and shave your legs every few days to remind yourself that you’re worth it.

The best way to get your baby to sleep through the night is to learn how to nurse lying down and share a bed with the baby.

Naptime is easiest when you settle down with the baby in a safe spot and fall asleep yourself. When you wake up, your baby will miraculously be sleeping, and, better yet, you’ll feel rested too!

You are the coolest toy your baby has.

You can’t feed your baby solids without acting like a complete buffoon, so just embrace it and enjoy.

As soon as you get comfortable with a good book and a nursing baby, the phone is going to ring. It will be a telemarketer.

The one thing you will never have enough of is clothing in the next size up. Your baby will outgrow clothing before you’re prepared.

Your baby is more important than the dishes, your email, or anything else you’d like to get done. Repeat this as a mantra so you can keep your perspective when your baby repeatedly cries out to you from boredom (even when he is surrounded by toys that are cooler than anything you own).

Putting your sneakers on each morning will help you throughout the day.



10 most helpful baby items:

a washing machine
a large bed
long sleeve white bodysuits for layering under all those cute, short sleeve outfits people insist on buying you, even in winter
a food processor
toys with a baby sized handle that can’t be dropped easily
yellow-tinted undereye concealer so you don’t look sleep deprived
a baby carrier that you wear
baby clothes in the next three larger sizes
a binkie
several places you can run to for advice, such as a comprehensive baby book, a girlfriend with children, and your mother

Your pediatrician does not know everything. Feel free to get a second opinion.

Deciding when to feed a baby solids is a very personal thing. Everyone will give you different advice.

At an earlier age than you thought possible, your baby will figure out the most annoying noise to make to get your attention. This is not to manipulate you, but because it works.
You just can’t ignore it.

You can buy the most attractive wearable baby carrier you can find. You child will insist on the one that looks ridiculous.

One day you will look around and realize that the baby has more space in your home than you or your spouse.

You will never know just what you need for a baby until after he is born. However, as a new parent you will go out and buy everything you think you need beforehand. You will be wrong.

The first time you leave your baby with another person you will feel like you’re deserting him. That’s okay. It’s nature’s way of ensuring that you come back to feed him.

The reason the “cry it out” method makes you feel bad is because it also makes your baby feel bad. Think about that.

You can read all you want about being an enlightened parent, but at the end of the day you just have to look back and say, “I did my best, and I kept my sanity.”

Your spouse will not understand why you didn’t get a lot of grown up things done around the house while being home with the baby. Don’t let this bother you. He just doesn’t know. (In fact, leave him with the baby so he can understand!)
One day you will go to the bathroom and when you return, you’ll find your baby has become mobile all of a sudden.

If you run out of anything while doing a diaper change, just calmly set the baby on the floor and go get what you need. You can always clean the floor later, and you can be sure your baby isn’t going to be hurt by falling off the changing table.

Your worst days at home with the baby are the ones when you think you can get some grown up stuff done. You can’t. Don’t stress yourself out.

You may find your spouse deferring to you about baby care. The best way to stop this is to leave him alone with the baby. Don’t give advice! He has to figure it out for himself just like you did.

No matter how energetic you feel immediately after having the baby, don’t give in and rearrange the nursery! It will only make your doctor put you on “sofa rest” for another week.

As long as you’re not using grown up nail clippers, you can’t really hurt your baby by trimming his nails. Besides, babies are fascinated by adhesive bandages.

Going to the bathroom with the door open so you can play peekaboo around the door frame is an accepting thing for a mother to do. But only when you’re home alone.

Take every piece of advice you get with a grain of salt. Even this.

All of your relatives will think the baby looks like your spouse. All of his will think he looks like you.

You can try to schedule naps and feedings, but it’s not going to work.

Even if you dance around and clap your hands every time your baby says “mama” accidentally, he will still say “dada” more often.

The cry your baby makes when waking up from a nap while you’re in another room sounds an awful lot like “Ma”. This may be where mothers got that title.

Watching your baby’s face when he goes poop is very funny. Changing the diaper afterwards is not, so enjoy it while you can.

There will be a day when you catch yourself showing a dirty diaper to your spouse to illustrate how solid your baby’s poop has become. Just don’t save it for the pediatrician.

Wearing clothing that fits you well will really help with your body image after having the baby. Don’t worry too much about how you look naked. All mothers have those same flabby parts. (It makes you realize that no matter what actresses say about only using diet and exercise, they must be going to a plastic surgeon after having babies.)

You can’t diet and nurse your baby. Don’t bother trying.

Once you get the hang of it, nursing your baby will be the most rewarding times of your day.

Mother knows best. Go with your instinct. If you think a little baby Tylenol will help that teething pain or after a shot, go for it.

Dehydration is brutal, and you don’t get sick days. Keep a 64 oz. water jug in plain view and make sure it’s empty before you go to bed.

You don’t get weekends. Don’t feel bad about waking your spouse Saturday morning so you can have a cup of coffee in peace. You deserve it.

Cleaning up can fill your day if you’re not careful. Set a few routines for yourself with a quick bit of cleaning here and there, and don’t let yourself stress out about how your house looks.

A little fresh air helps cure a little cabin fever. Go for a walk when you can.

There are exercise videos out there where you exercise with your baby so it’s both playtime and a workout. They’re hard to find, but they’re worth it.

Signing up for a parent/child swim class will make for better naps.

Take every opportunity to meet other mothers. We all need a little socializing where we don’t have to worry about what to do with the baby. Another mother will understand what’s going on in your life.

When following your childless friend to a table at the mall food court, she will not understand that you need a wider path to maneuver the stroller through, and she will squeeze through the tightest spots.

The line to see Santa in Macy’s in Manhattan actually moves a lot faster than you would think.

Sometimes the cry you heard through the monitor during naptime can be soothed by just giving the baby a binkie before he fully wakes up, so enter the room as quickly and quietly as you can.

Daycare is as expensive as renting a nice apartment for a nanny.

Even if you cut your hair short, your baby will still find a way to pull it.